Pacquiao Potboiler: Manny didn't thrash Clottey, toxic stew did

By Michael Marley, Examiner.com

COPENHAGEN—It's become a post fight ritual, with the noted exception of gracious loser and took it with humor David Diaz, for Manny Pacquiao victims.

It's been only 12 days, just short of what the Brits call a fortnight since Pacman stomped gloves glued to the side of his head Joshua Clottey in Cowboys Stadium, and now the Ghanaian's excuses are rolling off his tongue.

I think Clottey, one of the happiest losers who ever picked up $1.2 million for a barely there effort, should have just stuck with the “Manny is too wicked fast” explainer and dropped the matter. But he didn't and he won't.

You may think I'm slamming Clottey needlessly but he's the one coming up with sorry excuses now.

Herewith Clottey's Top 10 Excuses for Losing to Pacquiao:

1—His stomach was an active volcano as the 'kanwe' or salt peter 'infested' banku and okro stew he ingested culminated in a serious diarrhea.

2—His chosen trainer never got out of Ghana and he was “forced” to rely on a real veteran in Lenny DeJesus who kept telling him to let his hands go. Obviously, DeJesus may have been blinded by both ingorance and apathy. In other words, maybe he did not know or care that the gloves were glued to Joshing's face with impregnable Velcro straps.

3—Alltime national ring idol Azumah “Zoom Zoom” Nelson was not in Texas proving the emotional ballast and support which could have boosted Joshing to a great victory.

4—Did I mention the salt peter infested banku and okro stew? It's worthy of a second special mention as Clottey's whole digestive tract was roiled furiously.

5—His countrymen in general were not really on board with him. Ghanaians were on different wave lengths and not sending the psychic messages of serenity plus strength that Clottey's brain wave receptors kept searching in vain for.

6—Clottey did not know until after his subpar effort that Pinay mentalist Madam Auring had something to do with zapping his prefight meal in order to make her public prediction of a pure Pacman shutout for 36 laborious minutes come true. Madam A, baby, she's damn alluring!

7—Clottey was stunned by the fact that he attracted 51,000 people to Jerry's World. It is well known he has problems anytime he sells more than 18,000 for any of his recitals. This overcrowding has got to stop.

8—Clottey was told that Manny ould be distracted by the Sarangani Congressional campaign and would not throw 200 punches per round.

9—Not only did Clottey have to deal with the toxic brew bubbling and boiling in his innards, he was also upset over how crooner Arnel Pineda did not play it straight in rendering the Filipino anthem, which has long been a near and dear to his heart tune for the African boxer.

10—This is not a postfight excuse, really, but speaking to Joyonline.com scribe Bendict Owusu Asempa, Clottey has now exclusively revealed that malicious reports of HBO canceling some sort of contract with him as completely false, inaccurate and downright wrong. Clottey asserts that, to the contrary, HBO has renewed and extended a contract with him.

On this point, I have got, in all fairness, to give it to Joshua because this much is indeed true.

What he did not say is that “contract with HBO” is a bit indirect and has nothing to do with his boxing services.

It seems that Clottey has just been able to renew his full package calbe service with Time Warner, thus ensuring that he can watch both HBO and rival Showtime anytime at his Bronx residence as long as the monthly premiums are paid.

Clottey, if you want to put it that way, also technically has “a contract” with the Discovery Channel and many other cable networks.

He is planning to appear sometime soon on the Food Network where the topic he will discuss is “How To Prevent Poisoning Before You Fight Pacquiao.”

I would not recommend that nutritional expose for the squeamish.

Clottey will also reveal why his next prefight meal will be strictly the Pinoy treat balut but that he will, like all sensible adults, limit himself to just three of the embryonic duck eggs at one sitting.

Any consumption of balut beyond that point produces permanent erections and other maladies which can hamper any comabtant's, ahem, “performance.”

Please call Dr. Vinnie Boombatz should you have such a balut reaction.

Finally, never, ever mix your balut with banku and okro stew, particulaly any that has been infested by salt peter.

Btw, salt peter is not related to the Nigerian heavyweight Sam Peter.

(mlcmarley@aol.com)

Source: examiner.com